In the afterglow of Cyclone Foo-Yawn, which did little more than give hardworking Mumbaikars a half-day off, we realized the critical importance of our TV news channels at times like these.
Here’s how an Indian TV news channel might report an incident familiar to us all. All names, except of the two major players, are fictitious.
PRASHANT—TV Anchor: We have important breaking news here. Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.
AMRITA SHAH: Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons—Jack and Jill—had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.
PRASHANT: Thank you, Amrita. What do we know about the hill?
AMRITA: Not too much at the moment. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “HILL BREAKS CROWN OF PAIL-BOY JACK”]
PRASHANT: Any news of Jack and Jill?
AMRITA: Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch a pail of water. We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was. But it appears that Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. I have here with me, an eyewitness to the entire accident, Mr Shahid Trivedi. Mr Shahid, tell us what you saw.
SHAHID TRIVEDI: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “BOY AND GIRL TUMBLE DOWN HILL. WATER SPILLED”]
AMRITA: Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother and sister? Are they married? Just what were they doing on the hill together?
SHAHID TRIVEDI: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
AMRITA: And what happened next?
SHAHID TRIVEDI: Jack fell down and broke his crown.
AMRITA: Go on…
SHAHID TRIVEDI: And Jill came tumbling after.
AMRITA: Prashant, there you have it! Two people innocently going about their business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls down, breaks his crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in the studio, Prashant.
[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “WATER ERRAND ENDS IN TRAGEDY”]
PRASHANT: I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekhar Belagare from the Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: A hill. Jack. Jill. A pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?
PROF BELAGARE: Well … that depends on the hill, the two persons, the object they were carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the evidence so far:
Jack and Jill / Went up the hill / To fetch a pail of water. / Jack fell down / And broke his crown / And Jill came tumbling after.
Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack’s fall was severe enough to break his crown, then the surface of the hill must have been slippery and therefore unstable. But I think we’re overlooking something quite fundamental here. Who was carrying the pail? Jack fell down and broke his crown and—this is the key—Jill came tumbling after. If Jack and Jill had been carrying the pail together, would they not have fallen at the same time? The fact that Jill came tumbling after suggests that Jack lost his footing first and perhaps knocked Jill over as he slipped.
PRASHANT: Professor, thank you very much. So there we have it, two persons—Jack and Jill—went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after.
Later in the programme, some other news: Osama bin Laden captured in Afghanistan, President Obama promises free health-care for every American citizen, and Pakistan launches nuclear warheads against key Indian cities.
But next up, join us after the break for an in-depth studio discussion about hills, boys and girls, and whether water-fetching trips should be supervised. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back …
[SCROLLING SMSES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN:
“The Government should ban all pails — Rashid, Trichur”
“Why didn’t they use a bucket? — Meena, Vizag”
“This is an insult to Indian culture. A boy and a girl should not climb a hill together. — Veer, Jhumri Talaiya”
“When our glaciers are melting people will be forced to climb higher in search of water — Raj P, Delhi”
“The MNS should object to news reports about people with non-Maharashtrian names — Shankar Hirsute, Mumbai”]
(Original by Paul Nixon. Sms texts added later)
Others say
and SPD's comment removed for being needlessly obnoxious. A simple request would have done, as Paul did.
The original post is here
@Paul: sorry about that. The back end gobbled the last line in the post. Rectified now.
My doubts are
1) What is political connection Jack & Jill have?
2) What the district civil authorities do after the incident?
3) After so long why MP representing parliament not reached the spot?
4) What is America's stand on this?
5) Why international community keeps mum on this tragic incident?
BTB, We need to organise a nationwide debate on this topic.
I am disappointed that you have chosen to reproduce my satire without crediting the author, and I'd be grateful if you would rectify this. You really should know better.
Even Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, why did this not make a big issue? does it mean that jack and jill are childrens of any politicians , this is democracy even humpty dumpty should be given equal justice .. There should be a epecial inquiry on this .. what are intillegence doing .. ? This is a BIG question ..
That was the most funniest mimic of the shoddy journalism we have in our great nation. Infact it is the reality... had a great time reading through!
I am moving a PIL in the above matter.
Why did jack and jill have to go up the hill to fetch water. Did they not have a tap nearby. what are the local authorities doing not providing a tap in the neighbourhood. This should be debated in the parliment.
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